Paul's 4th Journey

It has been an insane amount of time since I've written anything... but I really miss it. Also, a lot has been going on in my life this past semester! It's been so busy that I have found it difficult to just sit & write anything; however, I have chucked some time aside to talk about my summer coming up. And I just really want to tell everyone about it!

As many of you know, in a couple of weeks, I will be going to a closed-off country in the Middle East to tell others the gospel for approximately six weeks. The thing is, it is almost a guarantee that most people that I encounter have never heard the truth of Jesus ever before in their entire life. Since this is the case, every single day I will have the opportunity to tell people about this truth. You see, the country that I will be going to (which I cannot say on here, for security reasons) is predominantly Muslim; the people of this faith have been taught lies about Jesus & about Christianity. Because of this, there is an urgency of telling the truth to these people that I will be reaching. And, quite honestly, my heart has been there since I decided to go on the trip. I am absolutely excited for everything that God has in store for me & my team!

Here is something that I have been pondering, but didn't have a chance to really dig into the past few months: What does the name of my trip, 4th Journey, really mean? As I looked it up, what I found was really awesome, as well as the story about it.

The term "4th Journey," what my trip this summer has been called, is based right out of the book of Acts, referred to as "Acts 29." Acts points towards where Paul went on his journey - or rather, his 4th Journey - to spread the gospel to people that have never heard it before. He had gone on several journeys throughout the world, as told in Acts - three specific journeys, to be precise. The cool thing about this? I get the opportunity to step in the same place that Paul once shared the good news of Christ to people - my feet will walk the same steps where he once walked, doing the work that he once did.

Several places where the apostle Paul reached with the gospel are now mostly Muslim countries, this including the nation that I will be going to. Our goal in this trip? Speak the same truth that Paul spoke to the same people group, in order that they may hear it & believe it. Like I said earlier, many of these people have probably never even had the chance to believe in Jesus Christ, but my team & I hope to see veils lifted & people understanding what the gospel really is, even if they may not come to know the Lord then.

What I ask of you reading this? Please pray. I have found that there is immense power in praying for others in the name of Jesus. Pray for my team, as well as the people that we will be encountering over there - that we may speak words that are not our own, but the Holy Spirit's. And until we go there, please pray for support raising. The only way we will actually be able to go is if we raise enough to be able to not only get there,  but costs of living there for six weeks. Pray for the hearts of the people joining me on this journey - this 4th Journey - & the impact that we will be making there. Pray for us to be so engrossed in the gospel, that we will speak it with eloquence & understanding. Pray that our hearts will be challenged & grow stronger as we challenge one another - that we will be bold in all of our actions, persistent, & loving. That we will have compassion not only on each other, but the people we reach there, showing them what grace truly is. My hope is that they may see the love of God through whatever we may tell them.

I cannot wait to go there, experiencing a totally different culture from my own & telling others about the most important person in my life! Thank you for your prayers - they are so appreciated.

"We are the change the world is waiting for. We've got a love the world is desperate for. We will lead, & take to Your streets. Now's the time for us to rise, & carry hope, & let love shine, & show this world that mercy is alive... We're not afraid: we will abandon all to hear Your name on lips across the world. We will run, in the wake of Your love... Fill our hearts with Your compassion, let Your love be active here! We will go where You tell us to go; we will speak of Your very word. We will move where You tell us to move: we are Yours."

"And I would give the world to tell Your story, because I know that You've called me. I've lost myself for good within Your promise, & I won't hide it. Jesus, I believe in You, & I would go to the ends of the earth. For You alone are the Son of God, & all the world will see that You are God - that You are God."

"Your grace abounds in deepest waters; Your sovereign hand will be my guide. Where feet may fail & fear surrounds me, You've never failed & You won't start now... Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters - wherever You would call me. Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander, & my faith will become stronger in the presence of my Savior."

*If you are reading this & want more info, or an email of my support letter, please let me know & we can hopefully talk within the next couple of weeks! If you would like to support me, I have attached my information online for you to do that below.*

Give support.

I am addicted to social media.

The other day, a girl that I know from camp posted about social media. And oh my was it eye-opening for me. Her vulnerability was no-doubt admirable, and pretty much everything that she had to say was exactly what was going on in my life. (I'll post a link to it on the bottom, too. Because it's so good.)

The title of the post was "I Am Enslaved to Social Media."

So, I will openly admit it as well, in a different way than she did: not only am I a slave to social media, but I am addicted. More than I'd like to admit.

Usually when you think of addictions, it's drugs or sex or money, et cetera. But this is a bit different than the "usual." I am extremely addicted to social media, and have been for a very long time. So much so that I am practically glued to my nifty little iPhone and laptop.

This addiction has caused a lot of problems in my friendships, as well as any other relationships. Because I am on my phone, scrolling through Instagram or Facebook or whatever else, so will my friends. And hence the relationship dwindles.

About a month ago, I was convicted by this through a video on Youtube called "I Forgot My Phone." (I'll link it on here.) But that wasn't enough to make me stop looking at my phone. I still did it, and my face-to-face interactions became distant and almost indifferent. Then I was convicted again, even worse, when what happened in the video actually happened first-hand in my life.

That apparently wasn't enough to snap me out of it... Until I read the blog post that worded stuff a little differently to me. Then, and only then, did I view it as the same truth of my life.

When I first signed up for MySpace, then Facebook and Twitter, Tumblr and Pinterest, and so many more... did I expect it to ensnare me the way that it has? Not in the least, but it most certainly has. Time and time and time again. And I can almost guarantee that I have spent a shameful amount of hours on it in my day.

Not only has it been put above my relationships with others, it has been put above my relationship with the Lord, which is probably the hardest for me to admit. Instead of spending my morning or evening in the Word or in prayer at the beginning and end of the day, you will definitely find me on my phone or laptop, tweeting or editing pictures or scrolling up and down on my Facebook news feed. No joke. And I am extremely embarrassed and ashamed of that, to be honest.

But you know what is the most freeing about all of this? It can, and will, change. Things don't have to stay the way that they are for me. I have the power to stand up to it all and make a change. I don't have to feel the shame and guilt and humiliation, because I have a God that tells me He is sovereign and He reigns over it all, and He will take it away. With this, though, I know that I can't do it on my own strength; God can help me more than I can help myself. It may take quite a bit of time, deleting things off of my phone and spending less time on my laptop, but I can do it.

I don't have to be defined by editing my pictures a certain way, posting them on Facebook or Instagram, or even how I myself look, and I do not have to be defined by the lives of others. I am defined by the One who chose to look upon me and call me His daughter - daughter of the most-high King. And that's what matters most to me.

The Thoughts of a Social Work Major.

This last month has been... extremely busy. And slightly chaotic. In ways that usually are not. Whew! I have been exhausted all the time. But my oh my have I been learning.

As I've been going through classes, as well as different things for Cru, I can't help but constantly be bothered by the turmoil in this world.

For starters, I am a social work major. And I have been taught that goodness gracious is there a lot of stuff going on. Two classes of mine have stood out to me more than the others: Intro. to Social Work and International Justice. Every single time that I have both classes, my life is entirely rocked in some way. It's like a wake-up call daily. We talk about the injustice in the judicial systems around the world in one class; and in the other, we talk about the injustice, but also growth and historical change, in social systems in America.

There have been a few questions that have been raised for myself throughout this month:

As my class talks about Rwanda and other countries, how can I not see the atrocities going on involving hunger, genocide, and child soldiers? As I was read the local newspaper, how can I not be bothered by the article showing the fact that there are over 300 people in the FM area that are homeless? As I am at the group home that I work, how can I not have compassion on the men that I work with? Listening to what is being said in my Sophomore Training Group, how in the world can I be so paralyzed to stay safe, when there is death everywhere I turn? How can I not see the pain? Will I be willing to drop everything - abandon myself, no matter what the cost, to reach people with the Gospel of Jesus Christ? How am I being a light to this world full of darkness right now? How can I be blind to the need that is staring me right in the face?

All of the things influencing me have caused me to think deeply on the answers to all of these questions, all of which have been tough to answer. But I can see this: There is a need for justice and love and grace and kindness in every single part of our world.

As a side-note, but something that has been made extremely relevant to me... One of the videos that we watched in my social work class was suuuper encouraging to me, making me realize that: 1) I am definitely in the right major, and 2) I am not just a helper: I am a person that changes lives. I can impact the world at this moment; I have the ability to change it. I can be the one to give a voice to the voiceless; I can be the help to the helpless; I can be a positive influence in the lives of those seeping with negativity; and, by the power of the Holy Spirit, I can show that God gives life to the lifeless. 

This school and MSUM's Cru have impacted my life and challenged me in such incredible ways already, and there are so many questions that I don't know if I can answer right now - at least not in the way that I would like to yet. But it's a comfort to know that, despite all of this, I am being shaped to be more like Christ. I know I say that a lot, but it's true. There is always more growth to be done in me. He will continue to grant me His compassion for the world, He will give me boldness, He will humble me daily, and He will transform my heart to break for this hurting world as His does. It is my hope and prayer that I never take His grace for granted a single day in my life, and that I extend it to those that I encounter on a daily basis.

A new place to call home.

Well, a lot keeps changing in my life. I think that's probably the best way to describe things. As in, a lot has changed since my last blog post. Last time around, I had said some things about what I was possibly doing and where I was possibly going next in life. God keeps taking me on so many journeys, which has turned out to be really incredible.

As of last week, I was presented with a really awesome opportunity: To live in an apartment in Fargo, North Dakota with three godly, Christian women that go to NDSU! I, on the other hand, am planning on going to MSU - Moorhead. Which should be interesting, but adventurous! Everything always seems to turn out that way, wherever I seem to go and end up. This time it was probably as last-minute as ever, since I just decided a week ago and I'm moving into my new apartment tomorrow... And I just started packing today. Ha. Yeah. Surprise surprise!

Despite the last-minuteness of the situation, as well as not ever knowing what I'm doing once I get there... I am still pretty excited to see what happens and what comes to be! We'll see what fate there is to be found in Fargo. (See what I did there? Alliteration is great. ^_^)

As my favorite Doctor would say: "Allons-y!"

Goodbye, Iowa State.

This one has been brewing for quite a while now, probably due to me being a busy bee and I have had to do a lot of thinking over the past month. (Also, Nicole and my best friend from Germany have been home. Sooo... that. Also, shenanigans.)

Well, let's just say that the title of this one says all. I must leave another college that I love, this one being Iowa State. And yes, it is due to financial reasons. Literally the story of my life. But seriously, I'm not joking. Money is always a huge issue for me, and most likely will be my entire life. But it's fine. I've got God, and that is all that matters. Life is an open book for me.

To be honest, I have known that I wasn't going back for a long time. Not very many people have been told, so I apologize if I have left you in the dark, but it's been pretty difficult for me to come to terms with leaving another college again. It has caused me a lot of frustration and anxiety, and a lot of questions. I understand that Iowa State wasn't as expensive as Northwestern was, but it still makes me upset to have to leave. But I must accept it again. I've been learning a lot about that.

From here on out, I have no idea where I will be going. I applied to a couple of colleges, but I'm not sure if it was too late or not. I forgot to send in a few things, so we shall see! My memory sometimes... Again, it's all kind of up in the air. That, too, is the story of my life. I never know what I'm doing. Which I am still learning to accept. Because it happens all the time. Lord, help me. Ha. One blessing, though, from all of this is the fact that it's caused me to be such an insanely flexible person. Which is great. I love being open to whatever comes my way. I have been taught to be assertive, no matter what happens, which is also something I am still learning about all of this. I am being incredibly stretched. Hallelujah - solo deo gloria.

With this I will say:
Goodbye, Iowa State! I'll see you some other time.
Hello, mystery and the rest of my crazy, unorganized life.

Regarding relationships.

This may will get a bit harsh. But it's the truth. And I'm just going to be straight up. Sorry, not sorry. It's something that I've heard addressed and talked a lot about within the last couple of years, especially since going to Northwestern College and The Salt Company at Iowa State. As I'm saying that (as well as if you look at the title), I'm sure you know what it is that I'm talking about...

There has been this obsession in the church and anything Christian for relationships, specifically to find a spouse and be with somebody else. Everyone knows it; that's how it is, and has been that way for a very long time. While it is not a bad thing to desire marriage in your life, it must never get in the way or be put above your relationship with God. Never ever ever. And it should not be as obsessed over as it is.

I am tired of romantic relationships being as glorified much as they are, and I am through with people idolizing other people. Because, truth is, no relationship is going to satisfy you... except for your relationship with Christ. Nobody is going to do to your soul what you need the most... besides God. Single or not, Christ is where your deepest longings will be met. He alone can quench your inner thirst, feeding your inner craving for something more than anything here on this earth.

Not going to lie, society doesn't help with this, either. It encourages selfishness in friendships, as well as other relationships. But that's a whole other thing that I won't get into here.

In some friendships, it [a relationship, or lack thereof] is brought up a lot. More than anything else. The person will talk about how single they are, then they talk about how they've been heart-broken. So I talk about my past relationships and what I've learned from them, then they talk about their list of potentials to date/marry... That goes on in every single conversation. And I am not even joking. They linger on their past failures in this area, as do I, then try to think of somebody to fill this newly-found hole in their heart. It's unpleasant. And highly discouraging. But really. Calm it down. Calm. It. Down.

My three questions for those people, as well as anyone else who is unsatisfied with their singleness, are as follows: Can't we just talk about God, as well as other things that matter, and not how single we are? Why is Christ all-of-a-sudden "not enough" for you? And, last but not least, since when is being single such a bad thing? I know that it may seem to suck seeing friends getting in relationships, engaged, or getting married, but why does it have to? It's an exciting time for those people, even though you may not be in that spot right now. Embrace where God has you right now, because there is nothing wrong with where you are in regards to your "lack of relationship." Seriously, though. If you think that, look at the life of Paul - better yet, look at Jesus. (I know that there are all of these theories and silly things saying that He got married... but they're all wrong. Yep, yes they are.) Anyway...Do you see them having been in a relationship, or having been married? No. Was that a bad thing? Not in the least. They still sought after God. Now look where they are: With God, and Jesus is sitting at His right hand, where they both belong.

You can find your growth and freedom in Christ, and in life in general, without being with someone. Honestly, for me, it is the greatest place that I could be at right now. And I am extremely content and freed with that place. Which is a total gift of God.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying in the least that I hate all of that. I actually love it. A lot. Love is lovely. It's a beautiful thing, as well as super encouraging, to see godly relationships, and marriages that take Ephesians 5 seriously: loving each other as Christ loved us, the church - His bride.

To all of the fellow single people out there:
Go look into Scripture at the life of Christ. Look into the life of Paul. And delve deeply into all that God did through them, despite their relationship status.

Stop the searching. Quit dwelling. Embrace where you are. If you can't yet, try to let go and move on. Go - humble yourself before the throne of the Holy One. Think optimistically about your life. Look up. Don't avoid those in a relationship, getting engaged, or married like the plague. Learn from them. If there is mending yet to be done in your heart from a past relationship or situation, take a step back and let your heart mend until you try to be with someone else. Give it to God. If somebody great comes your way, don't let them pass you by, do not take them for granted, and don't rush anything. Learn from what you go through. Find your satisfaction in God. Seek after Christ, above all else. Live life in freedom, for He has already set you free.

Even so, it is well with my soul.

It's been quite some time since I've last written on here! And a lot in life has changed this past month.

It has definitely been a crazy one, if I must say so. Much has changed, some stuff not so great, other things fantastic. Through it all, God is still good to me no matter what is thrown my way.

One thing that I have come to notice is this: When I start trying to rely on myself, things don't go very well. Also, whenever I do what I want instead of what I know is right, God shakes me up a little bit and whatever it was doesn't work out. Actually, scratch that last part: It only works out for so long. In other words, it is extremely temporary. Which is actually okay.

Because of money issues, I am home right now. And will be for the rest of the summer. Not in Ames, like I thought it would be. Life can get expensive when going by your own means. (I really don't like money. It stinks. Especially when it's lacking immensely.) Being home is soothing and healing to the soul. It's still difficult for me to have left Ames, but I firmly believe that, after much counsel throughout the past week, my decision to come home was the most wise. Now, looking for someone to take my spot for June & July will be difficult... but that's something I can [and am trying to] worry about when I absolutely need to. I need a break from stress. Seriously. I truly do.

It's been crazy to look at all that God has been doing, as well as seeing and trusting what He is yet to do in my life. I am constantly learning more about His provision for me, which has been awesome more than anything else. It's challenged me to be more patient - so much more patient - and self-controlled, as well as faithful to the One that is faithful to me and to others.

My life verse has been Psalm 61:2. It's such a beautiful reminder in times like these.

I have yet to make decisions about next year. A lot has come up, and, honestly, I am not sure I can even afford Iowa State anymore. Which is another thing that I need to decide, but for now I keep seeking after Christ and giving my worries to Him.

It is my prayer and deepest longing to look these fears, as well as other fears to come, in the face and say, "Even so, it is well with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul."

The one thing that I need to think of right now is how I can best glorify Christ with my life. So I will do that, with all of my heart and soul.

God is worth all of this turmoil; He is worth all of the hardships and problems. His grace overwhelms my brokenness, for He is holy and merciful. He is making me whole. And it is well with my soul.