Out of the wreck I rise.

I have been praying a lot lately about what has been going on in my life, wondering many things and asking God to lift me up. It has been difficult to feel stable when so many things have been thrown at me the last couple of weeks, attempting to knock me down, which have definitely hit me physically now. But He has promised me that I can handle this - actually, scratch that, that He can handle this.

C.S. Lewis is by far one of my favorite authors and theologians. I could just quote him all day, but he really does say some fantastic stuff! One thing that I read the other day was this: "Faith is the art of holding onto things in spite of your changing moods and circumstances." As I read this, I sat and thought for a while about if I had truly been doing that. Have I been letting my emotions and circumstances get in the way of holding onto my Rock? And when I asked myself that question, I was at fault. I had felt myself slipping quickly from the Cornerstone. I had indeed been letting all of those things get in the way, especially as of late.

Why is surrender so hard? It's hard for everyone because we are stubborn and set on the belief that I had: that we can do it on our own and that we can handle it. But what a silly thing to tell a God that has endured all things, a God that has seen it all and has helped every other person struggling with the same thing. Now, I'm not saying that it's wrong to feel the pain and anger that you may feel. I feel that way, and I'm not going to sugar-coat the fact that I am a complete and total mess, but what are we leaning on? Whose peace are we seeking after? Because He will freely give it to us. Holding onto the Rock and mighty Fortress is always a good life decision.

I have faith in His promises for me and I am still trusting His direction. I am well aware of the fact that the Lord gives and He takes away. He does everything for a reason. I may not see it at the time that it all has been happening, but He does and I must keep trusting - I must keep fighting. His grace covers me, and I do not deserve anything that He has given me in the first place. So if He takes it from my hands, then that's how it is. Everything that I ever thought was mine is truly His, including my very own heart and soul. So even in times of pain and overwhelming circumstances such as now, I am still going to praise Him, for He is always worthy. His love and grace for me will never fail and it will always be more than enough for me. I will try my best to "be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, and faithful in prayer," as I am told to be in Romans 12:12. No matter what, God has a plan and a purpose.

"You are love, Lord, 

perfectly defined.

Through the suffering or joy,

we will confide in Your perfect love.

 A mind full of questions

and a future unclear,

but Your perfect love scatters fear."


"Your plan is perfect.
Bewildering. Puzzling. Troubling.
But perfect."