Over this past year, though, I have decided to trust Him, through that difficulty. He has given me the strength that I need to no longer clench these hands of mine, attempting to grasp at whatever it is that He decides to take away. He has been stretching me immensely; it's been a long and hard process that has taken me months to learn, and I am still learning. During that time He has taken and given, then taken and given some more.
You see, despite the way that I treat Him, God is really good at being trustworthy. He is extremely faithful, because He knows what He is doing - and it ends up being for my good (Romans 8:28). God is in control, and He is good all the time. All the time, He is good. Truly, truly. And He has proven all of these things to me time and time again.
So I will serve Him and remain in His love, with His Holy Spirit within me, because how can I settle for anything less? I have seen and tasted what is good - the Lord - and so I will indulge in the love and grace that He has lavished upon me, and that He continues to daily.
Now I will delve into the story that I was meaning to tell:
These last few months, I have owed a little over $5,000 to Iowa State. My parents tried to take out a Parent PLUS loan for me, but somehow it would not go through. This has been an issue ever since I moved here, even after having gone to their office several time to straighten everything out. They couldn't figure out what was wrong until a few days ago, and no dice: they were rejected and did not qualify; therefore, with this, I then owed about $5,000. They said that, if I was unable to find someone else to take out the loan for me or take out a private loan myself (which I don't think I would qualify for, and by then it would be too late), they would be able to give me $2,000. But... I still would have to come up with the $3,000.
I do not have $3,000 - not even close. Neither do my parents. And, the thing is, that was their payment on my house back home, but they were willing to give that up to me. YEAH. You see, my family is incredibly generous. And they would be willing to give me anything. But I would never want to ask for that kind of money from them, and God was telling me otherwise. And, by faith, I knew that there was another way. I just didn't know what yet.
This entire week, as well as the last, I had to borrow a lot of money. My money from last semester was draining quickly, then it drip-dried. I still needed money for a down-payment on my apartment, as well as groceries and things to get over being sick. (Which my family provided for me because they are really wonderful.) A huge blessing, too, was the fact that I did get a job here in Ames that is absolutely and positively perfect for me. Such an answer to prayer.
The stress of this much money not being on plate, however, caused me to be distraught and entirely overwhelmed; the tears took over, as well as disparity in my heart. During this time, like I have had to several times, I recited Psalm 61:2 to myself. I pleaded with God to show me how I could pay off this debt, thus being able to sign up for classes and keep going. After this, I sent several messages to close friends asking for prayer. As I did this, I remembered God's faithfulness throughout the Bible to those that chose to seek after Him, and today I reflected on the unfaithfulness of Israel to God, like me, yet He was still faithful.
Within the hour, as this was all happening, I recieved a private message from someone. I clicked on it to see what it said, then read this: "Hey, Amanda, I saw your message and I would like to give you the $3,000..."
Okay, let me say that again: "...I would like to give you the $3,000."
...WHAT. YEAH. All I could think to myself was, "There is no way that this could be real!" But, lo and behold, it definitely was. They had sent me that message and were willing to give me the $3,000 that I needed.
Did I have faith that God would provide for me in the moments before I got that message? A little, but that was all that was needed. I somehow knew that if I had that small amount of faith, He would do the rest, which He most certainly did.
If you have had doubts that God is faithful, it is my hope and prayer that you can read my story and be encouraged. Why? Because He is so faithful.
Another thing that I want to encourage you with is this: Dive into the Scriptures. Look through the Bible, in the New Testament (the gospels especially) and the Old Testament, to see how faithful the God of the universe has been, is, and always will be. Analyze the stories of those that chose to have faith in Christ and God, then how He healed and blessed them. Have faith in Him and He will bless you, whether it be here on earth or when you see Him face-to-face to praise Him for all of eternity. Either way, have faith.
And this, too: PRAY PRAY PRAY. "Pray. There is immeasurable power in it." I am proof of this. And pray to God in all things, as we are called to do in Philippians 4:6.
No matter what happens in our lives, whatever is given to us or taken away, it is all for the glorification and goodness of Christ. And no matter what, He is worthy of all praise and gratification.
To the person that gave me the money: THANK YOU. I honestly could never say it enough, and you are just such a huge blessing. My heart is so full or gratitude. You are a gift.
All glory, honor, adoration, praise, and thanksgiving goes the Lord of everything today, yesterday, and forevermore.
"He said to them, 'Because of your little faith. For truly I say to you, if you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, "Move from here to there," and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.'" - Matthew 17:20
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