Find your kindness now.

Recently I have been thinking about what kindness looks like, which is due to the fact that I have been listening to some Rend Collective Experiment and Jenny & Tyler. The lyrics of a few songs of theirs' speak of our society, ourselves, and people in general, echoing my own thoughts and feelings exactly as of late. It's been bothering me, and I have talked with a friend about it, but not as in-depth as I would have liked. It is most definitely a hard subject to touch on because of all that it entails, and I could go more into it than I am planning on, but I will make it shorter for your sake. With all of this, I have found that kindness is sometimes difficult to stumble upon. There is a quote that often think of because it rings so much truth, and it goes like this: "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around." It's not very often that I see others doing or saying something to help another person in some sort of way. We see more cruelty every day than the love that we long to see and take hold of ourselves. But when I come across at least "the smallest act of caring," I am blown away by how incredible that it truly is and how much power it could have to change a life.

I wonder what our lives would look like if we did more for others rather than limiting ourselves to showing compassion to only certain people. What about the "untouchables" of society? Don't they still need love? What ever happened to sacrificing one's wants and needs for the sake of another? As I have been thinking about all of those things, a poem that I had written a couple of years ago and posted on here seems perfect for this. It's a very angry poem, but it's filled with much accuracy. I titled it "Never for the World" because of this: we are always so set on ourselves and what is best for us, rather than what may be best for the other person. We can see it everywhere, that there is pain and sorrow and bitterness every time that we look into another's eyes. Why can't we just get over ourselves? What if we were to reach out to the man with the awkward social tendencies, or even the man that is sitting on the side of the highway with nothing to eat or drink? We may think that it's best for us to just keep on going as we were before on our own merry way, but do we ever stop to realize that perhaps they have absolutely no one to talk to and everybody avoids them like the plague? And that man or woman on the side of the highway could possibly be a drunkard, but what if we assumed for once that they weren't and took them out to lunch? What if we were not too quick to judge them?

Selfishness and all of that jazz is wired within us, and that selfishness is mirrored throughout all of society, as I am sure that you have noticed like I have. But maybe, just maybe it doesn't have to be that way. Maybe people could do things for others in a genuine manner instead of just brushing them off and looking after themselves. Maybe sacrificial people still exist, with genuinely compassionate hearts. Maybe we need an example. Maybe that example has already been given to us. And maybe without Him we cannot truly do or be anything selfless. This example of Christ and His humility is told so beautifully in Philippians 2, which you should definitely read through. It shows us how we ought to strive to be like the one that wants to give us hearts just like His own.

If only we would lay down our lives for the sake of another, despite what others may think about us, dying daily to ourselves and letting the Spirit of God dwell within our hearts. Then we would truly be able to become more like the man who paid the ultimate price - who portrayed the ultimate sacrifice. He gave Himself to be sin for all of us. All that we must do is surrender to Him and we will be free from the slavery of sin - we will be free. And we must share and show that hope to others, no matter where they may have come from.

Sometimes there is only so much that we can do for others, things that they may be going through being beyond our human help. That is when they need Jesus - the Healer. It also very much depends on the circumstances. I learned a lot about that last year, through much heartbreak and many tears. Everything that I have gone through always has taught me something. That brings to mind a C.S. Lewis quote that goes like this: "Experience: that most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn." C.S. Lewis was so right. I would often find myself being angry and upset or crying about other people's sorrow and the suffering that they had experienced, wishing that I could just take all of it from them. It was like I would seem to forget that Jesus already did that, and all that I had to do was tell them exactly that (which I realized later). I am not saying that I am the perfect example by any means, because I, too, am at fault, and I am a lot. We all fail and fall short; we are all messes; and we all have our vices. I am human, and God is still working within me to make me more like the Son. My point in that story is this: We can only be so much for others, and we can only take on so much ourselves, but that does not give us an excuse to give up on them. After we tell them to go to Jesus, we must intercede on their behalf through prayer. We can find our kindness. But we must find Jesus before we do so and we must surrender to the Holy Spirit, allowing Him change our lives and transform our hearts.

"Where there is hatred, let me sow love.
Where there is injury, let me pardon.
Where there is darkness, let the Light come, come."

"May I incarnate Your kindness, Lord...

Let my delight be living out Your dreams, washing dirty feet, and kissing Yours.

God, let Your dreams come true - dream through us."

An abundance of blessings & a rearranged outlook.

YWAM people are just awesome. Like, seriously. I cannot wait to go there. I called them today to tell them that I really did not have the money to go on Monday, asking a whole bunch of other questions. They ended up praying over me twice and were extremely encouraging. They're pretty neat. I am so stoked to be a part of such a Spirit-led place! BAAAHHH. It makes me really happy. And another awesome thing: It looks like the Lord is already providing a way for me to be able to go to YWAM this coming January! I got a job working at a group home in town until I live in, which is just cool beans. Praise Him!

I must admit that it feels very strange for me to be back at home, even more so now than it would have if I was to be on my way to Colorado this Sunday night. It's especially due to the fact that all of my friends are off at college, or some that are seniors in high school this year. It's odd to not be in classes or have homework to do. Confession: the entire time that I've been home while everyone is gone I have secretly wished that I had homework to do or school to go to. Is that sad? I feel as if it is... I also would not have seen myself being here from the time that I left camp until YWAM stuff got rolling. I suppose it proves my previous point of God's plans being entirely different than I thought they would be. God is just taking me in such different directions than I would have expected! It goes to show how flexible and willing I must be in my walk with Him. My oh my has all of this been stretching. And I still have much left to learn! I'm not even close to being done growing in my faith walk - not in the least. Jesus has been oh-so-faithful to me, and I am so in awe that, despite my daily failings, He still chooses to call me His daughter. It's amazing.

Last night after Nate and I went to The Head and the Heart concert (which was utterly incredible, to put it lightly), we went back to my house and had tea, then chatted for a while. During that time I started looking back on all that I had gone through before I had come to know Christ, realizing once more how much the Lord has blessed me with and healed me from. I saw the grace and mercy that He had revealed to me, how much He has transformed my entire life, turning it upside-down in such a marvelous and beautiful way. Through all of those struggles, that pain and sorrow, that shame - guilt, He has shown me how much better life is if only I seek after Him whole-heartedly, completely and recklessly abandoned to the call that He has placed on my heart, allowing Him to show me the love that He has for me. There is nothing else that He asks of me but to continually drop everything and run to Him, loving Him, others, as well as myself with my heart, my soul, and my mind - all of me. Thinking about all that God has done for me just fills my heart with such joy! I am absolutely unworthy, but I am reminded time and time again that He has given it all to me anyways because of His kindness. He is just so good.

I just really want to let you all know how grateful I am for all of your prayers, encouragement, and any kind of support that you have given me. I appreciate it more than words can express - truly truly.

A bump in the road.

God's plans are different than I think sometimes, and He uses those decisions for a better option. One of my prayer requests was financial support for the Musicians DTS in YWAM Denver this fall. Well, I suppose this wasn't the right DTS for me to go to! And God has other plans that I cannot entirely see. Yesterday I had called a lady named Carmen about my financial situation, as well as a few other things, and it ended up that I needed to go there with my $3,500 in hand when I got there on Monday. I do not have $3,500, and Monday is in five days. I must admit that I am a bit disappointed and shocked, of course, but the reality of it is this: it's hard to come up with $3,500 on just donations, which is exactly what I did. I prayed for a lot of things going into this DTS, and one thing that I remember telling God was this: "Lord, if I am to go to this, provide a way." So I suppose this is God's way of saying, like my ma told me, "Not now, but later." God has given me a peace about it all already, which I am extremely grateful for. Maybe there is more that I have yet to do in my small town of Watertown, maybe later isn't this next January, maybe I will go back to school instead. Until the next DTS (I'm thinking the Compassion DTS at the moment), I will be working and earning money to go, and if God wants me there, He will provide for me and show me. Who knows what is to happen - only God, and I am okay with that right now.

I have been learning a lot of things lately about trusting God with everything, as well as having complete and total faith in Him. I have been brought closer to Him through many recent convictions; I have looked at hopes of heaven and how I long for those around me to join in the jubilation. I have a devotional book that I read every morning (or at least try to), and ever since I started looking at stuff for YWAM He has taught me such incredible things every day, ranging from bitterness still held in my heart to looking more at who He is to me. He is Jehovah-shalom - the Lord is peace, He is Jehovah-raah - my caring shepherd, and He is Jehovah-rophe - the Lord who heals me. I am His child, and no matter what may happen or change, He is still there guiding me, like a shepherd guiding his sheep. As long as I am trusting in Him and walking in sync with the Spirit, He will show me the way in each and every step.

I'm not trying to use this to say, "I trust and have total faith all of the time!" Because, like everyone else, I am human and I do not all of the time. It is extremely difficult to lay down everything and let the Holy Spirit take over my sinful flesh. I make mistakes, I am broken, and I am weak, but God tells me that it's okay, picks up the broken pieces to make me whole again, and helps me in my weakness, giving me more strength to do His will with His Spirit within me. God is still at work.

Despite this bump in the road, I am still trusting Him and His faithfulness, because He is so worth it. I ask for prayer again that I will continue to trust and have faith in God's direction, wherever it is that He is leading me towards.

"Don't let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust in me."

- John 14:1

"You hold my every moment, You calm my raging seas.

You walk with me through fire, You heal all my disease.

I trust in You.

I trust in You."

Yes, I am considered a youth, and I have a mission.

I'd like to tell you what Youth With A Mission (YWAM) is! Some of you might have heard of it before, some of you might not have. Hopefully I don't butcher it for you peeps that don't know.
YWAM is a ministry school that has bases pretty much all over the world. I, personally, will be going to the one in Arvada, Colorado. In every YWAM base they start you off in the DTS, which stands for Discipleship Training School, to learn more about ministry for three months. It is required before any further schooling. They have just the regular DTS, as well as those with a specialty (as I mentioned in my previous post) like Compassion, geared towards those that have a heart for the impoverished and are really seeking to spread the gospel to those affected by it throughout the world; Musicians (what I will be doing), for people that are more music-oriented; Multicultural, aimed towards those that straight up love other cultures; Boarders, for people that are into snowboarding, skateboarding - pretty much boarding of any kind (suuuper sweet); and several more. During that time, they will also have other schools going on (which I will get more into later in this post).
After those three months of training, they then send you out into the world to share the good news of Jesus Christ. Each base has a list of possible countries that you could go to, eventually narrowing it down to a few choices. However, they don't tell you the options until you're more into the school. In other words, right now, I have absolutely no idea where I'll be going for my outreach. There are several places around the world that are options for my base, but I won't know for a while. Trustin' Jesus! Hardcore.
After the outreach there will be a week of debriefing, and then... back to little Watertown, Minnesota I go!
Once you are done with the DTS, you can do a secondary school. There is a variety of options for schools, which are as follows: the School of Social Justice (I really want to do this one eventually), where they talk about the social injustices in the world and how to solve them; Art in Missions (pretty much self-explanatory); the School of Worship, in which each person in the school learns to write songs for worship and at the end performs one that they have written, and that is then recorded/published onto an album; and, of course, a lot of other ones.

I hope that this helps you to have a better understanding of what I'll be doing/what I'm getting myself into! If you'd like to look at the website for YWAM Denver, I attached a link on here for you. And if you have other questions, shoot me a comment or something. I would love to have some feedback from you. :)

YWAM's Motto:

To know God and to make Him known.

Stubbornness turned to surrender.

My oh my has it been a long time since I last posted on here... I kind of wish that I wouldn't have stopped. And excuse me if this runs a bit long... But, alas! here I am again. Except this time I actually have [more of] a purpose in what I want to inform you of! And that would be Youth With A Mission, also shortened to YWAM. As of today I have exactly two weeks until I am in the beloved state of Colorado, more specifically Arvada. What a crazy, yet exciting thought! If you would have asked me a few months ago what YWAM was or where I saw myself this year, I really would not have known and I probably would have said that I would still be at good ol' NWC. However, God has thrown me for a loop ever since then! I feel as if background information is necessary.

Let me tell you how I got to even thinking one bit about YWAM.
(WARNING: This is going to be extremely long. Prepare yourself.):

Last year I was a student at Northwestern College, the acronym being NWC (they have too many of those now-a-days...), majoring in Intercultural Studies with an automatic Bible minor. A lot had happened that led me to leaving Northwestern, mostly the finances (because, honestly, who can really afford a $16,000 loan with a $15,000 loan from the year before?). I figured this out when talking with my parents while we were at a restaurant after my last concert with the Women's Chorale. What I remember so distinctly was my mom saying, "Amanda, I really think that you should look into other colleges. You really can't afford going here anymore." My heart skipped a beat and my mind went blank. But going to China this year already didn't work out, and now this? was all that I could question. I left the restaurant feeling extremely discouraged and I decided to scramble, my thoughts as follows: maybe there's a scholarship that I could get, too bad I wasn't chosen to be an R.A., maybe I could try applying for Student Government... I tried thinking of anything that I could do to stay there, even talking to the financial adviser Bryon on the last day of finals week to see if I could get more aid. Despite any efforts, I could not be helped financially. To say in the least, I was absolutely crushed. After all, I was going to work at Hidden Acres Christian Center as a camp counselor two weeks afterwards, I still had to memorize a chapter out of Ephesians (I am horrible at memorizing anything), figure out all of my devotionals, my mind still stubborn and set on staying at Northwestern, how in the world was I to figure out which colleges I could transfer to? And I over-thought... for the millionth time.

Next thing I knew I was at camp. I went there knowing only a few people out of the hundred-and-something or so on staff, only three of my friends from my one year at college, not really having too much of a clue of what I was doing or going to do. So what did I decide to do? Leave all of my worries at the cross and surrender every single thing to my Savior, trusting in Him and having complete faith that He was holding me in His hands. And that was probably the best decision that I could have made going into my summer there. I can honestly say that it was one of the most rewarding and stretching summers of my entire life, and the one with the most blessings (no, I'm not referring to campers). What I found to be interesting, as well as slightly comical, was the fact that every single week I learned right along with the kids. Each time the gospel of Jesus Christ was laid out I got to see even more the grace and love that God extended to me so undeservedly: a sinner that had nothing good to give Him, but He wanted me - my whole life, and that was all that I could give Him because everything else was already His. It was at camp that I fully came to realize that I indeed do want to do ministry for the rest of my life, especially with young girls that never really saw the truth in that light before. God also revealed to me the importance of my time spent alone with Him, thus becoming a morning person (which, unfortunately, isn't as true anymore). These lyrics always seep into my brain whenever I think of mornings at camp: "I will seek You in the morning, and I will learn to walk in Your ways. And step-by-step You'll lead me, and I will follow You all of my days." All-in-all, a lot of what I had learned about myself and the people that I had met and became close to truly led me to YWAM.

One weekend I met this guy named Nate, who was a hardcore hipster to the max and super out there, which I quite enjoyed in the mixture of mostly non-hipster folk at camp. I hung out with him for a while that evening and he ended up talking about YWAM. He was telling me all of these crazy stories and how I should look into it after I mentioned that I had no idea what I was going to do after the summer was over. I thought to myself something to the effect of, Holy crap, this thing sounds like it's perfect for me! Buuut it's totally unrealistic. I brushed it off, but it was still in the back-burner of my mind until two weekends afterwards. I woke up at around eight o'clock that Saturday morning, unable to fall back asleep. So I had my time with Jesus, then I decided to check my Facebook (my only form of communication with the outside world because Dayton, Iowa hates T-Mobile). Next on the agenda was looking more into colleges and all that business, thinking that I'll maybe go somewhere in Iowa or something. Then God started nudging me: Look into YWAM. Right now. I didn't think much of it, trying to ignore it, being my stubborn self. But still a quiet voice kept saying: Look more into YWAM. So, reluctantly, I looked into it. I discovered so many possible places all over the world and all over the U.S., including different kinds of Discipleship Training Schools like Compassion and the Musician's DTS. I sent several links to my twin, Nicole, so that she could see that I had really wanted to do this now. After that, I packed my stuff, since I was going to be staying at the hipster guy's house for the weekend (yes, I did end up really liking him and yes, he did end up liking me as well). The next weekend was the weekend that camp was coming to a close and I would go back home, with the desire to go to this school burning inside of me and not wanting to leave for a lot of reasons (a little - just slightly - maybe partially because I had just started a relationship with Nate).

Ever since I came back I have had to figure out a lot of things, explain everything to my parents, swing to-and-fro to visit Nate and my sister, spend time ministering to and fellowshipping with others while I am still at home, hanging with the Lord every day, all leading up to me learning so much more about myself and about God. And I still have a lot to do... But in fourteen days I will be taking a train from Iowa to Denver, Colorado and all will become a reality.


Until that time comes, I ask for prayers: that I will continue trusting in Him, for He is ever-faithful and true; that I will continue having faith that God will provide for me to be there, since I don't have much money/financial support at the moment; and that I will seek after Him with all my heart day after day, having a heart to serve as Jesus would, being made to be more like Him. In my next post I will share about what exactly YWAM is and what I will be doing. All that jazz. And I will keep posting until I go there, as well as while I am there. It is my hope and prayer that you see the love and grace that the Lord has for you, and may He continue to bless you.

I will not fight You;

I'm abandoned to Your call.