A fresh start.

Starting over is one of my favorite things to do, whether it be in friendships or leaving a certain place. I like going to different places, especially those already familiar to me, with a renewed perspective and beginning again as if I hadn't been there before - fresh, a clean slate. That's how I feel about having moved here to Ames. It's bittersweet to think of the things that happened here in the past, especially how seemingly recent those things are (due to the fact that not much went on in my life in Watertown for the past three months).

Thinking of a couple of those situations I sometimes stop and think to myself "Oh, that happened, didn't it?" Then I go on with life, and it's as if it never happened. I used to resent that because I wanted it all back, chasing after answers and hating the thought of things being gone. Now I'm not quite sure how I feel about it all; I think I just miss things and people sometimes. Yes, I still have frustrations, and I am still struggling with questions. Yes, some things are painful to recall.

But these are situations that I find myself in and answers that I remind myself of...
In the confusion? Trust God and know that He is good. When the questions seem to overtake you? Keep trusting and remind yourself that He is good. When your heart aches? Continue to trust God, knowing that He is good. When you're still not okay and feel like giving in? Cling to the Rock that is higher than you, trusting in Him, and declaring that He is good.

Letting go and forgiveness are wonderful things in allowing yourself to start over. That's one thing that I've come to realize the last few months, and even the last couple of days. It's so freeing; it's also reassuring to know that God has a purpose, though I still may not entirely see what that it is yet. God is still at work and He is healing. The thing is, it's a process, and that is entirely okay.

For the last few months, I had struggled daily with finding forgiveness for others and moving past the hurt within me during my times in isolation. Ever since I wrote about fellowship, I craved it so much, but I just couldn't get the kind that I thought I needed. Looking back on it all, I see now that was God nudging me towards spending more time with Him, and I wish that I would have pushed myself to do so more when I was at home. The things that my heart couldn't seem to let go of were keeping me from seeking after Christ with everything. Daily I must forgive so that I may be forgiven, and daily I must give it up to Christ and He will pour into me His grace and mercy. Afterall, I get a new day every day - a chance to begin again.

Even within the last couple of days, my heart has been changing and I have learned that all of those things were smaller than I thought they were. I can move past it all - I can choose to move on now, every single day; and I am no longer stuck with those things that had been holding me back, keeping me from the very God that wanted to take it all from me. See, when I chose to follow after Christ, He didn't merely want small portions of my time - no, that wasn't it at all. What was it that Christ had wanted of me? He didn't want just my time or baggage or stuff: He wanted me, and He has crowned me as His daughter so that one day I can praise Him on His heavenly throne for all of eternity. Because all that matters is that He is glorified, not I. He is the one that should recieve all praise and adoration, not me, for all of the things that He does through me. I blame the Holy Spirit for any good that comes from me, because it's only by Him.

Praise God that I've been reminded of how precious that He is and that my time with Him is as well. Becoming so enthralled with Jesus again and again will help me to become more like Him; it's my goal to fall in love with Jesus more and more this semester, chasing after Him and letting Him chase after me. Now I have four gorgeous, God-fearing women to help me with that! They are all seriously so ravishing through and through, and I cannot wait to spend time with them. I am blessed beyond measure for God to have placed me in this apartment.

I am just real excited to see what God does while I am here at Iowa State this semester, especially with the people that He is surrounding me with! I am so glad to start anew, at a beautiful college (that is also much, much bigger than Northwestern by quite a bit). And I ask for prayer in regards to adjusting, which I feel will go very smoothly for me. I just have a lot to figure out, which is fine by me. I also have a few fears and anxieties about being here, but God has got my back. My biggest praise is that God has gifted me by placing me here, and I pray that He will use me to be His hands and feet in this place. Praise Him from whom all blessings flow.


"Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 3:12-14